Bakugan: You Didn't Just Go There
by WonderholicXx
Summary: Basically, the cast of Bakugan has nothing better to do than diss each other in the most crushing ways they can think of. Next: Gus Grav Vs Mira Clay!
1. Spectra Phantom Vs Dan Kuso

**Title: Bakugan: You Didn't Just Go There**

**Cafekko: Why, hello there- okay, I'll cut the crap.**

**Confession Taimu! I'm a shallow, sadistic, attention seeker with an obsession with a show revolving around exploding balls and waaaaay too much time on my hands.**

**Wanna skip this BS and proceed with the fic? That's what the scroll button is for!**

**I had a couple of stories planned – I Am What I Am So There, a total dramafest, pairing-centric ridiculous soap opera of a fic revolving mainly around the Vestals, Shun and Dan; a multi-chapter humour fic about what the Vestals get up to while Dan and Co. are in Neathia (involving Gus getting kidnapped by Happy the Magical Can Opener and Shun taking Fabia on a Magic Carpet Ride) and Bakugan New Vestroia: The Musical, in which Dan decides to put on a musical of their defeat of King Zenoheld.**

**But I'm a lazy eejit and decided a crackfic about the characters dissing each other would be more fun. I hope you enjoy!**

**WARNING: This could get ugly!**

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**Round One: Dan Kuso versus Spectra Phantom**

The competitors take their places at opposite sides of the arena.

On the left, Spectra, arms folded, stands with the air and grace of someone with pride and dignity – certainly his smirk even suggests 'Absolutely everyone envies me'. The aforementioned pride amplifies his height. He looks like a worthy competitor.

On the right, Dan is brave enough to meet his gaze – however, his brow is creased with the effort and his mouth puckers into an upside-down 'V' shape. He won't back down easily.

The air is thick with tension – an uncomfortable silence emits from both ends of the arena. Who will be the first to strike?

Suddenly, Dan takes a deep breath and relaxes his entire body. Why would he bother panicking? This will be easy…

"Three words: Worst. Boyband. Ever."

"Not impressed, considering I'm taking this from the lovechild of Ash Ketchum and Yugi Motou."

"I'm sorry, did you say something you FREAKING J ROCKER? …Those leather pants make your butt look big, by the way…"

"Once again, hard to take your insults to heart when the guy throwing them at you still hasn't copped on to the fact that GOGGLES MAKE YOU LOOK RETARDED!"

"And I haven't even got started on the fact that, when maskless, you totally resemble Edward Cullen!"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that, for your benefit."

"And at least I change my clothes once in a while too!"

"How's it when your butt buddy happens to be Sasuke Uchiha's doppelganger? Gay yet?"

"Oh, don't get me STARTED on you and Gus…"

"I'm surprised you'd even notice something that wasn't directly related to you, you oblivious moron, may I quote 'Wow, Runo, that's a really cool hat!'"

"MASTER Spectra? MASTER? The guy might as well come out and admit he's your bondage slave! Do tell me about the passionate man love you two make during EVERY OFF-SCREEN MOMENT!"

"Why, are you looking for tips? Wanna spice up your love life with Shun?"

"I probably don't even need to ask about the numerator and the denominator… Gus' hair is pretty self-explanatory…"

"Hey, at least us Vestals have nice hair and awesome designs – you're basically just Naruto with brown hair!"

"And Gus seems to really like the whole 'Master Spectra' thing. I'm sensing some S&M undertones – this is supposed to be a kids' show!"

"Then please, for the love of Naga, when you're done yiffing with Drago try actually accomplishing something!"

"AT LEAST I DIDN'T LOOSE TO SHUN IN A WIFI BATTLE!"

"Oh, you did not just go there…"

* * *

Elsewhere, Shun grins maliciously to himself.

"My Altaria totally smoked his Houndoom…"

* * *

**It… wasn't as funny as I had hoped…**

**I know I could've done waaaaaay better but I'll hopefully improve with time. Send me suggestions for who you want to diss each other next – I'll try to make the following chapters longer. I definitely want something involving Anubias against the Vestals, Shun vs Ace, Mira vs Runo etc…**


	2. Gus Grav Vs Mira Clay

**Thank you for all your lovely reviews! I know this one isn't a prompt but I definitely will get to some - so don't be afraid to request two characters! I especially want to write Dan Vs Runo, or even Shun Vs Runo... Or ANYONE Vs Runo...**

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Gus Grav tossed his excessively curly cornflower blue locks over his shoulders and glared at the carrot-toped girl in front of him. "Alright, let's get one thing straight-"

"You're not?" Mira shrugged.

"I do not see what Master Spectra sees in you," Gus began, eyes still narrowed. "You maybe his sister but as far as I am concerned you and I do not essentially have to cooperate. Master Spectra is my everything - he and I will stand together on the edge of our new world. Not you! Us! He and I - JUST he and I, dammit!"

"Gus, that's just pathetic. Keith's my brother! Whatever, you two may have SOME history together but he and I have a special bond!" Mira sighed.

"So do we!" Gus insisted.

"A TWO-sided bond!"

"How dare you! Our love- I MEAN partnership is totally reciprical!"

Mira smirked. "Oh yeah? When'd the last time he's taken you out for dinner? Bought you some pretty new clothes?"

"How dare you- he- I- WE DRANK JUICE IN BOXES AND WATCHED BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN TOGETHER LAST WEEK."

"Seriously Gus, you're not even trying to hide your homosexuality..."

"How dare you? I - I'm totally straight. I... think girls are... cool and stuff..." Gus finished feebly.

"Right. Anyway, give it up. Accept that now that Keith and I are reunited, he's no longer to you what he once was... what WAS he to you, anyway?" She asked.

"...We were partners."

"I figured you were like his bitch or something..."

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID GINGER; YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND!"

"You realize Keith's not actually blond, right? That he's naturally ginger too?"

"I- wha...?"

"Well, strawberry blond. But it's easy to loose respect for people who claim to have that hair colour." Mira shrugged.

"But... he always takes such good care of his hair... I had no idea he used a product..." Gus' voice trailed off.

"Sorry to break it to you." Mira said.

"Yeah. Well. WHATEVER. It doesn't matter! I love him no matter what! ...In a totally platonic and manly way."

"Gus, you can't even think straight."

"WELL YOU'RE A WHINY LITTLE BRAT! YOU'RE MORE EMO THAN SHUN! AND THAT'S PRETTY EMO!"

Mira scoffed. "At least I'm not IN LOVE with a man I don't have a chance with!"

"I have more of a chance than you..." Gus muttered. "I mean OH MY GOD. EXCUSE ME WHILE I LAUGH. Much as I despise Kuso and Minthead you have no chance with either of them!"

"I don't need a relationship! I'm an independant woman!"

"Yeah. Right. You had SOLILOQUIES devoted to finding your brother and then with the wangsting when you discovered he was Master Spectra... how dumb can you get, the VIEWERS caught on after the third episode..."

"Shut up! You have no idea what I went through!" Mira growled.

"You have no idea what Master Spectra and I have been through!"

"He doesn't love you Gus! Just accept that!"

"I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET THE DAY YOU WERE BORN! MASTER SPECTRA AND I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL AND DELICATE RELATIONSHIP!"

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Mustering up as much confidence as he possibly could Gus determindly approached his Master.

"Sir?

"Hn?"

"...How come you never buy me anything pretty?"


	3. Shun Kazami Vs Dan Kuso

"Dan, listen…" Shun sighed, addressing his best friend. "I really see no point whatsoever in both of us standing here exchanging insults for absolutely no reason. I mean come on – we're so above that! Not only have we been friends for almost all our lives but we've been through hell and back, fought side by side and there's no way we'd stoop to the level of gratuitous insults-"

"YOU'RE A BIG FAT POOPY HEAD!"

"…Really, Dan. Really?"

"Look at me! I'm Shun and I'm depressed all the time! I spend all my time being depressed or doing ninja training 'cause I'm a ninja and my best friend is a CHICKEN. HAVE I MENTIONED I AM A FUCKING NINJA?"

"Dan, quit it! I'm not doing this!"

"It's a good thing I have so much hair on my head because I have it virtually nowhere else on my body! ALSO I AM A NINJA."

"…I would be a little more insulted if this wasn't coming from a guy with an approximate IQ of this room's temperature…"

"OH YEAH? WELL… YOU'RE GAY!"

"Very mature."

"Also, the only reason who can get away with those skin tight jeans is 'cause YOUR PENIS IS REALLY SMALL! AHAHAHAHA…!"

"Whatever, Dan… You realize that all I need to do is aim for a certain part of your spinal cord in order to paralyse you from the neck down? Do you know why I can do this?"

"Yeah yeah yeah, you're a ninja – I get it! We all get it! You're a fucking ninja-"

"It's more than you've ever managed to accomplish!"

"Hey, I saved the world like four times!"

"Oh please, like you do anything other than stand there and yell dramatically while Drago decimates whatever Big Bad's managed to crop up. ALSO, may I add, we wouldn't have had to deal with half those guys in the first place if it wasn't for your carelessness!"

"AT LEAST I'M BETTER THAN SOME USELESS PRETTY BOY WHO JUST STANDS THERE PERIOD. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WERE RELEVENT TO THE PLOT?"

"MY… My voice actor plays in a band. They're reasonable talented…"

"If you weren't so pretty people wouldn't like you HALF AS MUCH!"

"And yet I seem to attract approximately 80% of our viewers. I'm not complaining."

"Oh THANK GOD – now we won't have to listen to you drone on for a few years about the trials of training to become a 'true' ninja and speed and stealth and all that shit, or the fact that your Mom-"

"You leave my Mother out of this!"

"…MY MOM IS SO HOTTER THAN YOUR MOM!"

"OH, YOU WISH! MY MOM WAS SMOKIN' EVEN ON HER DEATH BED…" Shun paused, frowning. "Okay, I never intended to say that. I really think we should stop now."

"Yeah, I guess. You're still gay though."

"Whatever Dan… I'm also better looking than you'll ever be…"

"I heard that! EMO NINJA!"

"YOU'RE HEADSTRONG, RASH AND CARELESSLY IMPULSIVE!"

"YOU WEAR MORE EYELINER THAN SELLON!"

"YOU CHARGE BLINDLY INTO SITUATIONS WAY OVER YOUR HEAD!"

"YOUR ONLY CONTRIBUTION TO BAKUGAN WHATSOEVER IS – OH WAIT, YOU CONTRIBUTE NOTHING! AN EXTRA FROM VAMPIRE KNIGHT WOULD BE MORE USEFUL TO HAVE AROUND!"

"Oh, that does it – Runo is so cheating on you!"

"With YOU? Yeah right – there's no way MY girlfriend is gonna fall for YOU and your ridiculous level of attractiveness for a kiddies' anime…" Dan stopped and eyed Shun up and down.

"Actually, on second thought-"

"Too late, Kuso! You're about to become an unlucky childhood friend!" With that, Shun spun on his heel and raced out. Dan stared after him, then shook his head and followed his lead.

"WELL WELL… YOU'RE STILL REALLY GAY! …Shun? Please don't steal my girlfriend!"

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**…Well, that was terrible. Sorry for the delay.**

**I have Dan vs Alice/Masquerade and Spectra vs Gus half written…**

**Feel free to resubmit pairings – I'll redo this one better someday. Laters…**


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